I saw a movie today, Joseph (the cartoon Bible story), and really identified when the main character was stuck in prison with rats, thinking God had abandoned him. The Bible is full of stories of waiting, trusting God through difficulties, being stuck in prison and seemingly abandoned... all stories similar to my life! Except the prison one but I've always secretly had a fascination with prisons.
Is it that bad to want things and be impatient for things that are good? I guess it doesn't make any difference, you're still impatient. I also read a story today about how when you stop wanting something and "abandon yourself", that's when it comes. How can I stop wanting the things I want? Can't... let... go...
The story went like this:
I asked Solange what she did to find a four-leaf clover in a huge field, the only clover that was there. She had picked it to give to me, a gift from a lazy angel. Solange answered me, "First of all, it's not about wanting this clover but about deserving it. If you accepted, joyfully, the possibility of never finding a four-leaf clover and being picked on by everyone when you did find the four-leaf clover by accident, you would be worthy of finding it, because of this surrender to not finding it." I replied, "I'll never find a four-leaf clover..." And Solange said, "Oh! You want it but you don't know how to deserve it!" (Jean Guitton, As Minhas Razoes de Crer, p. 96-97)
So I have to accept the possibility of the things I want never happening? Hmm... harder than it sounds.
In the movie, Joseph takes care of a dying branch while in prison and it grows into a beautiful tree. I bought a parsely plant a month ago, all excited about growing my first herb, and it started dying about two weeks later. It was so dry and dead-looking I was about to throw it away. Then my landlady "saved" it. She told me my plant was "dying of thirst!" and looked at me as if I had killed a child. She put it in a sunnier place and drowned it with water. And guess what... it's better! Can you believe I almost threw it away?
|Shortly after buying my first parsely plant|
|After "killing it by thirst!"|
|Back to life again|