Here's what I was thinking the first days:
- I get sleepy after lunch if I eat well and sit in the sun.
- This is uncomfortable.
- I depend on attention and words from other people.
- I can't stand being alone. (When I was little I used to be able to!)
- I feel like watching T.V. (you start realizing what is really an escape mechanism...)
Here are some things I learned:
- Poverty, chastity and obedience aren't just religious vows. They are Gospel vows for everyone. And obedience, something I have unknowingly associated a negative connotation to until now, is so important! It means listening to God and others, those who know and love you best. Because freedom is letting the other choose for you.
- You can't love someone you don't know.
- and lots other things!
So now I'm going from the ora to the labora, getting back into the action of life! I went into this retreat pretty hopeless and untrusting, and feel like now I was given hope again. So I'm slowly looking for a job, cleaning my house and getting back into routines, while trying not to do it all by myself again. This time I want to do it with God and others.
|Cross in the chapel I was at. source|