It's ripping me apart. I now see why it's so difficult to have children. Not the actually having children part. Pregnancy was exciting, (okay childbirth was awful), watching the baby grow is thrilling and taking care of her is wonderful. She's adorable and makes our lives a million bajillion times better.
It's the not-wanting-to-leave-her-ever and wanting-to-build-my-life-around-her but not being able to and that not being good for me and finding the right balance that's killing me. This terrible, do I work? do I do this? do I do that? No one seems to understand that here in Portugal!
When I say it's awful I mean sanctifying/makes you a better person and all that. The baby is quite sweet, just to clarify. I just happen to be in the most heart-wrenching, confusing and IMPORTANT decision-making process of my life.
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