Monday, July 24, 2017

It's about who I am, not what I do

When I get anxious and start to worry about our life, it's usually about Addie. Am I doing enough for her? Is she well-behaved enough? Am I too strict or too patient? Am I dedicating enough time to her or am I too busy cooking, cleaning and changing her brother's diapers (way too many poopy diapers a day!)?

I was sick these past weeks, and these doubts especially come to my mind as I feel less capable of going places and meeting people with her. Jennifer Fulwiler wrote a post a long time ago, which I can't find, in which she was suprised to find her kids actually missed her when she was gone for a while. She felt like she was contributing so little to their lives that a robot with a red wig on the couch occasionally yelling out "stop hitting your sister!" and throwing a snack at them would be the same.

Mostly, I am dealing with outside pressure about why Addie is three and not in preschool/daycare. So when these doubts come I think, would she be happier in preschool/daycare? But then I remember, it's not about what I do, it's about who I am. I'm her mother! There are millions of inspirational videos I've seen throughout the years where kids reveal the best day of their life was when their dad played catch with them. Or something simple when their parents just spent time with them. It's special that Addie gets to be with me, even if it's during laundry or grocery shopping. And it's so special that I get to be with her. That I really know what she wants, needs, likes. It's a fascinating time for our homelife, as she is getting to an age where I can include her in more things and she can start "helping" more. I love the days we don't have to go anywhere or do anything and can do things slowly and at her pace.

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