Don't take advice from blogs

Okay, that was a piece of advice from a blog. So... don't take advice from blogs except this piece of advice from a blog I'm giving you. Okay? 

I first started reading blogs when I saw Stephanie from nieniedialoges.com on Oprah and her blog is still my favorite blog that I check almost everyday. My blog was largely inspired by her blog. With her story and her blog, I realized I was dedicating too much of myself to my job and if I survived a plane crash (like her), my coworkers wouldn't come visit me in the hospital. My friends and family would, and that is who I needed to be investing in. So my blog was about the "small things".

My husband says blogs like nienie's are modern fairy tales and completely fictional. I agree to a certain point and so I try to take them with a grain of salt. I am always questioning whether I spend too much time looking at blogs and whether to cut them out entirely. But then I come to the conclusion they are good, but need to be carefully limited.

Blogs were essential in discerning my vocation to be a stay-at-home mom. Simply because I barely know any stay-at-home moms and few Christian families for that matter. So in our globalized world, blogs are a way to connect with likeminded people... as poor and virtual as that may be.

I still read some mormon mommy blogs like nienie's and what I like about them is that they simply share their daily life and struggles and don't try to give advice. Nienie never has a "10 tips for.." post or "How to do ..." post. Some of the Catholic mommy blogs I read give lots and lots of parenting/motherhood/faith/etc. advice and I have come to the conclusion I need to NOT FOLLOW IT. Hence the title of this post.

The other day one of the Catholic mommy blogs I read, which is very popular and which I like, suggested that you don't need to pray the rosary to be holy. She doesn't like praying the rosary. That was when this realization hit me. I see where she's coming from, but basically she's telling people not to pray the rosary. That's not okay in my book. That's actually very dangerous in my book. Who died and made her more important than Our Lady of Fatima who told the shepherd children to pray the rosary everday?

Then on that same blog she had some posts with the theme of how moms need a lot of "me time" and how many bubble baths she takes and coffee shops she visits without kids. If you don't do these things, you will be burnt out, she said. Again, I see where she's coming from. But this made me stressed out, angry with my husband and kids, feeling bad for myself.. until I talked to my spiritual director and got my ideas straightened out a bit. If I have time for "me time", that's great. If I don't, that's not a problem. Our world says it's all about "me, me, me" but if you are trying to live God's will, your priorities are set a bit differently.

I have also freaked out on various occasions with parenting advice from another blog.

So blogs. Don't take advice from them.

Friends

When I started working part-time after Addie was born (she was six months old), my mother-in-law would take care of her. But she went abroad for a couple of weeks and I had no one to take care of Addie. So I sent out an email to random friends I thought might be available, asking for volunteers. I think it was my husband's idea. I felt needy and bad for asking people to take care of my baby.

But then something amazing happened. All these people volunteered. And they were really excited about it. And nice about it. I was humbled. I would barely have time to drop her off and pick her up... and never ended up showing those people how much I appreciated it. But they were SO NICE. Most of them, I realized afterwards, were religious. Most of them I had met through our youth group or other church groups.

One of my friends sent me this picture above saying Google had told her two years passed since she had taken care of Addie for me. So much has changed in those two years, it's incredible. But I learned a lot in opening up and asking for help... God is generous and really does help. And creating community and friendship is possible... even in a big city, even in a workaholic world, even when you feel very lonely and forgotten.

Goodbye October

This month has been so intense, but very good. I realize this as I look over the month's pictures. We had Davy's baptism, which was amazingly beautiful, but kind of stressful. It was one of those almost out-of-body moments where you realize God is with you and your life is not that bad after all. You are actually very blessed. Like childbirth. Which is fitting because, as the priest said during the homily, baptism is not a birth in the flesh but a birth in the spirit, to be God's son.

Then four days later, barely recovered, we went back to the Algarve for four days to the same hotel... it was the third time this year. I feel like I know all the workers and they know us. My in-laws were supposed to come to help (because my husband was there for work), but they got sick and I was ...all.... alone. It went okay though. Tiring, but important.

And this week after getting back I decided to potty train the oldest kiddo (going really well) and sleep train the youngest kiddo (not going well at all) because... well, I guess I have massochistic tendencies. That is a cake with underwear and a bow on it, in case you can't tell.

I discovered how to make white frosting (see potty training cake) a week AFTER the baptism, which was super frustrating because I had imagined these nice white cakes which I wanted to make and got store-bought frosting, ran out of it, and they didn't turn out as I had wished. Oh well. NOW I can make a great white frosting!

And even though the little one isn't sleeping so well and hates pacifiers with a passion, I feel like I am really happy about our day-to-day and priorities. I have a little more peace. Last year I was soooo worried about our socialization and not having enough playgroups and playdates. My spiritual director was probably so tired about hearing me whine about not having any friends. He even introduced us to some really nice people who put up with us occasionally. ;) This year I was worried about what to choose as priorities. Worried as in, it was keeping me up at night. So we quit the government-run playgroup and I'm really happy about the friends and neighbors we have this year to cultivate. And I have a better idea what to invest in.

Toddlers at home

I have been having a hard time doing the "basic", physical things such as cooking, cleaning, feeding and bathing our kids and get frustrated about not getting to the more "spiritual" things, such as our kids' "education", ordering liturgical books, doing fun things as a family, visiting friends, etc. I put all these things in quotation marks, of course, because Jesus's Incarnation and Theology of the Body teach us the physical things are spiritual too.

But when I get frustrated with my lack of ability to get to things, the first thing I start feeling bad about is Addie at home. Modern society tells me she is bored and needs to be constantly entertained... either at a daycare or with TV, games, coloring sheets, etc.

So I have been constantly reminding myself of Auntie Leila's concept of "collective memory". We shouldn't copy things exclusively from the past, because modern things are good too... but it's not a black and white "modern things are better than old things". There should be a continuum with the past, a connection. And I really think this thing of "entertaining", "educating" and especially sending toddlers to school all day is an exclusively modern thing. It helps me to think, as Auntie Leila suggests, "what would Ma do?" And in Laura Ingalls Wilder's books toddlers stay at home with Ma, being watched by older siblings and playing by themselves.

I watch Addie's little friend interact with his grandma, who takes care of him during the day while his parents work and think: yes, maybe he would be more "entertained" at daycare with all the educational activities (and where everyone thinks he should be), but for sure the workers wouldn't love him like his grandma loves him. And really, what kind of "education" are we talking about? Being and feeling loved is the most I could want for my toddler or any toddler. I think this while I watch his grandma kiss him as she takes him out of the swing.

And I try to cut myself some slack. Addie seems bored sometimes, I get frustrated... a lot... but we're in this together. And that's what family is.
...By the way, we watched the movie Little Miss Sunshine yesterday, which is about family, and loved it. Have you seen it?

Article up

An article at Catholic Stand:

The Nature of Woman is Gestational

My biggest fan (my husband) thought it was my best yet! But the comments are already starting out pretty negative..!