Progress v. perfection

It seems as if the more good things we do, the more obstacles rise up to meet us. The messiness of life. However, I will say that the more good things we are able to do, the more vision I have. The more I see how it's good to cling onto those few good things we do every now and then, amidst the turbulence of life's messiness and our weakness/laziness.

We have been getting to some weekday masses more often, we played pictionary as a family which was really fun and Addie has been painting more and watching fewer youtube videos (guilty as charged). But the pushback to these few good things is imense. The house, and especially kitchen, is constantly out of control, we got our car wheel clamped when we parked at the wrong place for the pediatrician, and yesterday all three of us were stuck in our apartment building's elevator for about 20-30 minutes. Which seemed like much, much longer.

January Donovan's video "Focus on progress" inspired me to be less of a perfectionist. You can't get perfection as a mother. Our house will never be clean because WE LIVE IN IT. It's not a museum. I feel like I need to write that somewhere and look at it everyday.

Instead, focus on progress. When I get stressed out, I try to think we are progressing. A lot. I am progressing. A lot. I feel bad about not praying enough but I pray more now than I did a year ago. I prayed more a year ago than I did five years ago. I prayed more five years ago than I did ten years ago. Really, it's astounding progress. I feel bad about my lack of self-discipline to read a book or practice piano (and just eat chocolate or go on facebook instead). But I waste less time now than I did a year ago. Etc. Etc. So I'm no where near the perfection I have envisioned in my mind. And our family is far from the perfection I dream for us. Progress, my friends, progress is the answer. Two steps forward, one step back.

Front row seat

Davy started pulling himself up in his crib last week, which is exciting to me. And Addie started going head-first down slides (to the horror of bystanders).

One of the things that most "trains" you, I think, as a parent is how fast their development is. I remember when Addie started crawling I wasn't expecting her to be ready for it. First she started creeping (dragging herself on her tummy). Then all of a sudden she got up on her knees. She would fall forward and hit her head on the floor really hard for the first few days... which would terrify me... but then she got the hang of it. I had no idea that would happen. Then she started walking and would fall also but then got the hang of it. Potty training was also adventure-like. I wasn't really sure if she was ready, but we all felt like trying, and it was terrifying to have her in underwear where accidents could happen at any time and at any place... on top of the couch, in the post office... but within a few days she got the hang of it.

I feel like this is being a parent. They grow. You adapt. It's this intense, powerful process you are never a step ahead of. Always a step behind. Always trying to figure it out. Never ready. But you have front-row seat. And that's what life should be like. We just get comfortable and try to control our circumstances and situtations. If you are truly answering God's call though, you won't be comfortable. Or if you have kids. I liked what January Donovan's husband says to their kids (I heard in one of her videos): "Get comfortable with being uncomfortable."

Don't let them get to you

I went on a three-day silent retreat this weekend. The ridiculous picture above is the only photo I have. I was trying to take a selfie of us. And Davy is wearing a burp cloth on his head as a hat because I forgot to take a hat for him and it was cold and windy outside. I guess I'm that kind of mom.

I had to take the baby along, as you can tell. So I participated as much as I could, but was mainly taking care of him. There were good things and bad things, as with anything in life. A good thing (other than all the spiritual insight and deep prayer... ahem) was that Davy behaved very well. He slept and ate well and was the generally cheerful baby he is. A lady confided to me at dinner, "I am David's fan." "So am I, I confess," I replied.

There were four other babies at the retreat, which was kind of funny. And which also leads me to a bad thing I can't help but commenting about. How catty women are... ESPECIALLY mothers. What is wrong with us? I guess it's just our sinful nature and woundedness. It was a silent retreat but there was a lot of communication of judgment going on. And comparison of babies. All babies in this social circle must be parented the same way. They must sleep in their car seats all day and have pacifiers stuck in their mouths all day. For some reason baby carriers are taboo. I'm not sure why people deny an objective moral order but then with parenting... which should be totally subjective and personal... there is ONE WAY OF DOING IT. Anyway. Luckily, my baby is older and we already have our groove and habits going on, but my heart goes out to mothers who are constantly judged and women who are scared of being mothers because of the immense pressure and scrutiny suddenly added to your life.

There was one baby who didn't use a pacifier and he cried more than the rest, especially when he was sleepy. I saw some looks and comments about the way the mother would try to get him to sleep. But the worst was when he was crying at the dinner table and the mother finally got up and left with him. A woman mouthed "phew" to another, and actually gestured wiping sweat off her forehead. What is that? Terrible.

I want to affirm every mother out there and every mother I come into contact with in the future: you are doing a great job. You are trying your best. And you have the hardest job in the world. Enjoy it while you can. Focus on your baby and not on the "advice" given to you.

Time management

Springtime is really in the air if my orchids are blooming. They usually bloom twice a year but they skipped their last bloom. I thought they were going to die because they were all shrivelled up and yellow. I forgot to water them after Davy was born. Just kept on forgetting. Luckily, they have a few lives like cats and they've come back to grace us with their blooms.

My life got exponentially harder after Davy's birth. Exponentially better too. But harder. I've really like listening to some of January Donovan's videos about motherhood training. A friend from the States goes to her parish. (wow.). I have been feeling totally out of control with time management and really overwhelmed. With the videos I watched, I felt comforted that I'm doing some things right like writing everything down in my planner, caring for myself and having priorities. But I can do a lot of things better. Like say no more (boundaries). Not do things that aren't written down on my planner. For exemple, today I have to mop. I was just about to organize my closet when I stopped myself and realized I hadn't planned to do that. I like how January says you don't have a lack of time but a lack of time management skills.

Good resource. And good to get help in this challenging but incredibly rewarding adventure of motherhood.

Springtime is in the air

Happy Lent / almost spring! Did you know that the word Lent means spring?

I can never decide whether I like winter or spring better. I guess I love all seasons and especially changing from one to another. By the time winter rolls around, I can't wait to be cozy, for candles, for Christmas. But sometime after the New Year, I am tired of Christmas decorations, want the house to be bare and clean and start looking forward to warmer weather. Each year I appreciate Lent/Easter more and more.

This year I was super organized and had my Stations of the Cross, grapevine wreath and purple candles ready to go. I actually almost forgot about them. I need to spring clean and use what I have. One of my favorite pieces of advice from Auntie Leila's Blog of Wisdom is if you are unhappy with the way your house looks or feel like buying stuff, just clean what you have and you'll like it more. That's what I like about Marie Kondo's book and the idea of minimalism, too. I have so many things I buy and never use or use very little. If I spent more time actually cleaning and finding what I have, I'm sure I'd have less of an urge to buy things. There has been a lot of impulse buying on amazon lately (gulp).

Anyway, it's a plan. Let's see if it materializes.

Btw, I've subscribed to Bishop Barron's Lent Reflections. I'm also completely obssessed with his podcast. I listen on my headphones when I get a chance.