Monday, February 18, 2019


Magical milk and water color ice courtesy The Homegrown Preschooler

I have no idea what I'm doing. What pains me is that I find there are other people that seem to know what they're doing. I keep taking one step at a time, sometimes glimpsing what a wonderful, indescribable thing we have going, other times unable to get out of the depths of despair of thinking I've already messed it all up and keep messing it up more and more. 

But I follow what are intuitions, these deep, visceral intuitions that I don't even like sharing with a lot of people… I prefer to do it and they'll see… which are somewhat confirmed by prayer. 

One was when my first child was born that I wouldn't be able to put her in daycare or leave her with my in-laws. I wanted to be with her. I continue to feel that way, about her and about her little brothers too. That feeling seems to grow, but again, I have no idea why! 

Another is when we went to see Christopher West speak in Fatima a couple weeks before we were married. He looked us in a prophetic way and said "Be fruitful and multiply". So that seems to be happening. But again, we didn't really plan for it. It's all kind of new. 

Another is a quote by Saint Catherine of Siena that if we could see a soul in mortal sin we would die. The priest I heard quote this said that the reverse side of the coin is also true, if we could see a soul in a state of grace we would be in awe. 
So I see that the most important is to keep close to Jesus in that way, make sacraments and prayer a priority. If me and my family have souls in a state of grace, what else matters? 

Of course, I don't think God speaks to us just in dreams and intuitions, but also in reality, events and what is possible .

I just don't have a plan. 

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Tomé turned one

Can you have too many pictures of a sleeping baby? Nope, definitely not. I used to think that "every child is different" speech was for people that had inferior children and didn't like to see them compared. But Tomé is such a surprise for me all the time. In how sweet he is, how incredibly clingy but smiley also, how he will fall asleep by himself in his crib, his strange attachment to this white blanket. How he is learning to gradually walk and not just one-day-crawled-another-day-walked like Addie and Davy. 

It is a miracle how we get to know him more every day and get to like him more every day. I realized I have an absurd amount of pictures of him sleeping and naked in the bath on my camera.

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Embracing conditions

Which of the boys had more fun at the science museum here in Lisbon? We're not sure. They are all scientists, I guess. 

I was happy to discover a museum that is great for kids (Ciência Viva) and that Portugal still has lots of things up its sleeve I have yet to discover. 

It is so hard to be content with your conditions… which are NEVER ideal, NEVER as you planned… and know you are a nomad, a pilgrim, on your way somewhere, uphill. "When we get where we're going" as Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton say, then we'll know true comfort and grace. Until then, life is pretty hard. 
"So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do"

For some reason, I think life should be easy and full of good emotions or I'm doing something wrong. That we should do only fun, educational activities with friends and not spend 99% of the time cleaning the house. That I shouldn't feel lonely or sad. 

But no, it is a battle of darkness and light within our hearts (with lots of negative emotions trying to win), countless habits and acts of love without seeing the fruit, just having faith and trusting He is guiding our feet along this path we can't always see so well. But that we are at the exact place in the exact conditions He wants us. 

Monday, February 04, 2019


Hello there! 

It's been a while. I will post soon. 
Meanwhile, I have an article up at Catholic Stand today:

Misery Versus Poverty