Le France

I went to France this weekend to hobnob with fancy Americans on a cruise. "Exciting" things happened: I gave a three-minute speech that unfortunately consumed way too much of my worry and thought, I met interesting people with interesting stories, toured a huge castle from the seventh century, I pondered the American and Portuguese cultural differences and the pros and cons of each, etc.

Mont Saint-Michel, fancy castle in Normandy

Ballerina on a moving piano at the Eiffel Tower
(ze French are a bit strange sometimes...)

Yet the "exciting" things weren't really that exciting. The three of us that went were kind of sad and smooched our own arms while missing our loved ones at the Eiffel Tower. We got yelled at by a french waitress when trying to order food and I felt like crying. We didn't really feel like site seeing and just left early to go to the house we would be staying at. The whole reason of the trip, my three-minute speech, wasn't bad and wasn't remarkable. It just was. The hobnobbing was pretty overwhelming.

The truly exciting thing was the brotherhood and communion with the two friends I went with. The jokes, the silliness, the heart-to-heart talks. Being able to be myself and TRULY feel loved FOR that. The small moments and the meals. The movie on the flight back making me cry like a baby and that being okay.

The best part of the trip: the people

2nd best part: a french family generously offering their house
for us to stay at and the simple dinner and breakfast on their patio

Love the heart-shaped cheese

Carinho

More than the "big things" that have been happening in my life lately (a last-minute weekend plane trip, etc.) I am most thankful for the little moments of tenderness... "carinho".

• for being mad and thinking it wasn't going to go away, then feeling a reassuring hand reach back and touch my leg in the car
• sleeping on his shoulder on the plane

• sitting in the park with my feet in the grass and head on a friend's shoulder
• cranberry-rasberry juice
• bedtime stories
• dancing to Taize songs
• a few surprisingly eager hugs and glances from boyfriend's friends at the end of a wedding
• realizing that being called to abstain from sex is a call to love in other ways (Theology of the Body) and that might even mean physically: learning to hold hands, play footsies, touch non-sexually, etc.
• God constantly interrupting my long to-do lists
• yummy food in my tummy, from places I wasn't even expecting to get meals from

At a baptism last Sunday,
love the yellow cups

• midnight phone calls and practicing vulnerability
• hearing, "I feel better"
• friendship
• permission to be free and dance

“You have been hurt by women. I could see the pain in your eyes… And I’ve never done this before but… I feel prompted to make you a promise of friendship.” “I promise I will never speak an unkind word to or about you. I will never be jealous of you. I will never compete with you. I will never abandon or betray you. I will love you. I will pray for you. I will do all I can to help you go far and wide in the Kingdom. I will accept you as you are, always. I will be loyal to you. Before our loving God of grace, you have my words and my heart in friendship for this life and forever with Him.”

How hurting women can help each other heal

You deserve it

These are flowers my landlady gave me today. I followed alongside her as she watered her plants in the frontyard and she picked them for me. I hadn't seen her in days and... don't know why... but am plagued with guilt for not hanging out with her as much as I think she'd like or feel I should. I can't help it, her opinion of me matters and I am a people-pleaser. Maybe because I really like her and think she is cool in many ways: her love of flowers, her thriftiness, etc. So when little comments of affirmation slip out here and there it means the world to me.

That's what happened today as I followed her around for a while in the front yard. I asked her questions about her flowers, a normal conversation starter for me. I pointed to the pink-lined white carnation and said it was sooo pretty. So she picked three for me! And when I immediately started protesting, she said, "why not? Don't you deserve it?" Enough verbal affirmation for me to last another few weeks. Then she picked two different types of flowers to make an arrangement.

I put them in a vase in between my beautiful blooming orchid and my basil.

I am really happy about my orchid and how beautiful it is.

I think hand-picked flowers (=free) are so much better and more thoughtful than store-bought flowers.

And my basil, transplanted from a cup I planted seeds in. It was almost dying in the cup but I guess it just needed a little more space.

Happy weekend!

Biking to school

As with everything good in my life lately, it was a gift.

Funny how sometimes you dream of something... wouldn't it be so great to be able to ride my bike to work, wear flowers in my hair, play with kids... and then it comes true.

Except it never turns out perfect of course. It's kind of embarrassing, riding your bike through traffic. You are very exposed... while millions of cars drive by in relative anonymity, everyone notices the person riding a bike.

I go up hills and down hills, up and down. I get to school and all my little students crowd around, asking where I parked my bike. I am their hero. ;)

Adventures I'd like to go on with my bike: riding to the ocean every morning, riding with company, riding lazily through streets.

Life at top speed

If God is wanting to help me make better decisions and prioritize my life, he's definitely doing a good job of forcing me to make tough decisions and pick priorities everyday it seems lately. I am deciding between trips I am invited to, groups and activities and overlap and overwhelm me and to-do lists I don't even get around to doing.

There is little time for making food, one of the things I really value.

Life is speeding fast and I'm trying to get a hold on it. Or maybe I should just surrender better? There are good things in the middle of this whirlwind.

Like friendship.

And the most beautiful blue eyes in the world, windows to a beauty inside, too.