(Picture of smoothie cups I looked everywhere for... one of those things that are cheap and easy to find in the US and difficult to find in Portugal.. argh. And a picture of my unfrosted cakes made the day before Addie's birthay party.)
I had this wonderful idea of looking at Jessica's very first posts from 2007 at her blog showerofroses.blogspot.com. I say wonderful because her blog is one of those you read and feel bad about yourself and how little you do and how dirty your house is. I couldn't even read it for a while when I first found it, it was too perfect. Then it occurred to me, what was her house like when she had just two or three very small children, like me? And it was reassuring to see her bad-quality pictures and not-as-beautiful-house. I especially liked this post called, "Super Woman... or just Super Tired?". I don't feel super tired, because I sleep instead of doing things. But I feel super overwhelmed.
Sometimes I get worried that I don't know what our near future will be like. I really don't know where we will live, whether we will finally have a backyard and a kitchen that is open to the living room. I really don't know if my kids will go to homeschool, a half-day school, a hybrid school, a forest school, a Catholic school. I don't even know what I want. Then I remember that I didn't know what our life would turn into when I got pregnant for the first time. I had no idea what being a mother would change in me when Addie was a baby and where it would take our family life. God gives us what we need to know at a given moment, and not our whole future all at once. Like manna in the desert: it's good for the day but you can't save it for the next day. God gives us what we need, but we can't hang onto things and control our futures.
I also sometimes think that it's good that Addie and Davy are so small they need little or no schooling. Because I am so overwhelmed figuring out cooking/cleaning, routines and family traditions, making smoothies so Addie will eat more varied fruit, etc. that I don't have time to "teach them stuff" or to take them places. I can't imagine having to drop them off at school, sports or instruments. Which I would love to do in the future... but it would be unthinkable at this stage in life.
So I guess motherhood has seasons.